Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Sandal Percussion/Vocals Michelle: Mexican Washboard/Vocals

A: Stop it AC, we’re gonna start the song.

AC: (weird noise)

A: What the hell?

M: What the heck?

A: You know, you and your sandals can kiss my rump.

M: Can I kiss your rump?

A: No.

AC: (German accent) That’s only for me.

A: Actually, it’s only for my personal use.

AC: Oh, yeah, the yoga trick!

M: What yoga? What?

AC: You don’t know?

M: No. What?

A: Well, I’ve been taking yoga classes, and now I’m physically capable of kissing my own ass.

M: Whoa - can I, can you show me?

AC: Yeah, I’d like to see it again.

A: All right, all right. Let me get up.

AC: It’s so sexy.

A: Let me get in position. (clears throat. Kissing noise.)

AC and M: Wowwwwwww

AC: Have you ever seen the spiders in the shower corners? Look at you while you’re cleansing your dirty body and I wonder why are they there? Why are they looking at me? Are they perverted? Are they perverted? Why would they be looking at me? And I’m tired of it. I’m so tired of looking at the spiders staring at me.

All: Perverted spiders! Perverted spiders! Perverted spiders in the shower!

AC: Stop looking at me!

M: When I am showering, I look at the soap area, and I see a spider staring at me. I wonder what he’s doing there on the ledge below, not on the ceiling like usual. What is he looking for? Spiders don’t like moist areas, so what would any other reason…

A: They like yours. Ha ha ha.

M: What other reason would they be there?

All: Perverted spiders! Perverted spiders! Perverted spiders in the shower! In the shower. Stop looking at me.

A: You spider pervert.

AC: With eight legs.

A: And eight eyes.

M: Stop looking at me!

AC: What about eight other things?

A: Ew.

M: Yummy.

A and M: Perverted spiders!

AC: That would be sixteen other things!!

A and M: Perverted spiders! Perverted spiders!

A: AC’s a pervert!

AC: I’m not a pervert.

M: They don’t have balls.

AC: How do you know what they have?

A: Yeah, how do you know?

M: What?

A: Have you been checking out the spur pluh?

All: (Laugh)

AC: Perverted spiders.

M: Perverted AC.

A: I started mixing the word ‘spider’ with the word ‘pervert’ and it came out ‘spur pluh.’

All: (Laugh)

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

A: Do the ‘buzz buzz buzz’ like the bees.

AC: Buzz buzz buzz the bees!

Both: We put the ‘mental’ in ‘environmental!’ Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! We’re gonna save the planet today! Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! Pick up the cans and put them away!

AC: Ow! The birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees, well we love them all. We love to environment, we love to recycle. Oh, I love you, flowers and the trees! I want to be a tree! Can I be a tree for Halloween, please? Please?

Both: Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! We’re gonna save the planet today! Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! Pick up the cans and put them away!

AC: Ow! Yee haw!

A: I used to be a squirrel in another life.

AC: A squirrel!

A: A squirrel. And it helped me to realize. I now know that we humans treat squirrels so incredibly badly.

AC: Ka chew.

A: Why would we do this?

AC: Why?

A: To our earthly companions. I don’t understand. Warning: the squirrels are going to attack. Oh!

Both: Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! We’re gonna save the planet today! Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! Pick up the cans and put them away!

AC: Buzz buzz buzz! I’m a busy bee! Come and save me! Before you kill, and I will strike…back! Yee haw! Ow! Shake it! Shake that bum!

A: Shake that can!

AC: Shake that candy bum!

A: What the hell?

Both: Recycle.

A: How can we be so arrogant to think that Mother Earth made this just for us? Look at all the creatures that we share this earth with, but we arrogant humans just think that it is all for us, and that it’s okay if we just let it go bad.

Both: Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! We’re gonna save the planet today! Happy Earth Day! Happy Earth Day! Pick up the cans and put them away!

A: Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz

AC: Bee! Hey, I liked it!

A: That worked. See? We’re not in a funk. We’re not in a funk. And we can keep -

Amanda: Vocals/Guitar AC: Vocals/Maracas

AC: (angry gasp) Grrrrrr…..

A: Ice cream?

Both: Leave. You’d better get out of here. Leave. Take your britches and go. Leave. Don’t want to see you no more. Leave. Take bitches and go.

AC: I saw you last night at the bar over there. Saw you with this girl, Earl. And I looked across the hallway and saw you making out, making out with her. And I slapped you. I went over there, pegged you right in the face but the - you don’t understand what I’ve been going through, ‘cause I wanna KILL YOU!!

Both: Leave. You’d better get out of here. Leave. Take your britches and go. Leave. Don’t want to see you no more. Leave. Take bitches and go.

AC: Packed your suitcase, take all your stuff, I saw those condoms in the corner. I’m sick of it because you don’t use ‘em with me. And you know, they’re extra large, honey, they aren’t yours. I’m not saying you’re gay or anything, but, hey, it could be possible, and if you were, then you won’t need me no more anyway.

Both: Leave. You’d better get out of here. Leave. Take your britches and go. Leave. Don’t want to see you no more. Leave. Take bitches and go.

AC: I don’t wanna see ya anymore no, no, no, no.

A: I don’t wanna see you anymore.

AC: You’d better get outta here, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t wanna see ya no more.

A: Don’t wanna see ya no more.

AC: Pick up and leave, I don’t wanna see your rat face anymore. Get outta here. Get outta here. Gi-gi-gi-gi-git outta here. Leave.

Both: Leave. You’d better get out of here. Leave. Take your britches and go. Leave. Don’t want to see you no more. Leave. Take bitches and -

A: Get out of my house ooh wow ooh wowow.

AC: You forgot your dildo!

Amanda: Vocals/Guitar AC: Back-up Vocals/Mexican Washboard Jenny: Back-up Vocals/Maracas

AC and J: You scream…I scream…

A: We all scream for ice cream. Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

AC and J: Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

A: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

AC and J: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

A: Not gonna run anymore. I’m gonna kill them ‘til they’re on the floor. Whoa-oh.

AC and J: Whoa-oh!

A: One day back in ’93, when I was new to the ice cream game, this kid, he came up to me, tried to steal my money. I said, “What the hell you doin’? What do you want?” He said, “I want all that cash right there.” And I said, “What do you think you’re doin’ trying to rob an ice cream man? You crazy fuckin’ kid. What kind of TV you watch?” And I grabbed my AK-47. I shot him right in the head. Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

AC and J: Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

A: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

AC and J: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

A: Not gonna run anymore. I’m gonna kill them ‘til they’re on the floor. Whoa-oh.

AC and J: Whoa-oh!

A: Well, ever since that day in ‘93, the cops have been after me and I’ve been running my ass off. I had to run away, ‘cause the cops think I’m guilty, but I still maintain it was self-defense. Why do they think that I killed that kid with no reason? Ever since then, I’ve been scared, I guess, carried a gun in my vest. And every time a kid comes up to me and asks for some candy, I shoot him, shoot him in the head (high-pitched inaudible singing). Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

AC and J: Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

A: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

AC and J: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

A: Not gonna run anymore. I’m gonna shoot them ‘til they’re on the floor. Whoa-oh.

AC and J: Whoa-oh!

AC: You scream. I scream. You scream. I scream. (etc.) Eeee!

A: I’m the crazy ice cream man. I’m the killer ice cream man. I’m the psychotic ice cream. I’m gonna your kid. You better lock him up inside ‘cause I will give him a ride and I will not give in. Mothers, lock up your children. Fathers, keep watch. I’ve got no mercy. Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

AC and J: Running over kids in my ice cream truck.

A: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

AC and J: Try to run away, but they’re out of luck.

A: Not gonna run anymore. I’m gonna kill them, kill them, kill them ‘til they’re on the floor.

All: Whoa oh whoa oh.

J: Oh, sorry.

Amanda: Guitar/Back-up Vocals AC: Vocals

AC: (mindless munchkin-like laughing) Chemistry. Hello, class. I’m Mr. Falk. I will be your teacher, more or less, because, well, you know, my head’s a little big and by body, well, somewhat sm-- short, but I mean…can we move on now? I mean…Chemistry rocks!

A and AC: Falk.

AC: Well, I think it’s time for you to be introduced to my brother, who lives in Canada, where we are both originally from, you know, I am Canadian. Well, I just wanted to point out that he’s a great chemist and I love him dearly and he’s very successful and (cries) and he wrote a book and-- (cries) Oh!

A and AC: Falk.

AC: You know, I think it’s time to grade our homework. Moonie, why don’t you start off. “Well, I think it’s 6.204, according to this.” No Moonie, I think it’s 6.20432567 and a half!

A and AC: Falk.

A: Mr. Falk!

AC: Chemistry. Chemistry. Chemistry. Ooh, Mr. Man, you so sexy. Yes, you, my boyfriend. You come to see me, honey.

A: Chemistry.

AC: Chemistry.

A: Falk. He’s Mr. Falk.

AC: Hehe. I’m kinda scared to hear it. (clears throat)

Amanda: Vocals/Guitar AC: Back-up Vocals

A and AC: Fluffy bunnies in the sky, I like to watch them go by. Fluffy bunnies up above make my heart with love. Whoa-oh.

A: People think I’m a tough guy, but they don’t see my sensitive side. I like to work and (mindless mumbling). I like to sit in the park, look up at the sky, watch all the clouds as they drift by. I like to imagine what they could be. In the shapes I see bunnies.

A and AC: Fluffy bunnies in the sky, I like to watch them go by. Fluffy bunnies up above make my heart with love. Whoa-oh.

A: Whoa-oh! Just because I do tough work does not mean I don’t have quirks. I like to do different things. I have a fondue set. I like to taste wine. Don’t stereotype me because I do construction. Please, baby, I know you think that you’ve got this masculine man, but you didn’t. I’m sorry, but this is me. I’m not gonna change for anyone. I love my bunnies.

A and AC: Fluffy bunnies in the sky, I like to watch them go by. Fluffy bunnies up above make my heart with love. Whoa-oh.

AC: Oh oh oh oh.

A and AC: (More oohs and ahhs)

A: One more time!

A and AC: Fluffy bunnies in the sky, I like to watch them go by. Fluffy bunnies up above make my heart with love. Whoa-oh.

Amanda: Vocals/Guitar AC: Back-up Vocals/Knee-slapping

A: Mmmm…yah! It’s gonna be so fun.

AC: Gonna be so fun.

A: The time of our lives.

AC: Time of our lives.

A: Now, all we have to do.

AC: All we have to do.

A: Is find your goddamn house! What kind of asshole doesn’t give his address when he invites you over to his house? What kind of asshole makes you walk around for three hours on a Saturday night? We’re gonna kill you, you asshole.

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

AC: Olga, Olga, Olga-ga-ga. Olga! Ooh, my name is Olga. Come here Mr. Sexy Man. I love you, what is your name? Ooh, you so sexy. Come here, bring that case. Ooh, shake that bottom. Shake it round and round. I wanna see you with your britches to the ground ‘cause I love your little overalls, they’re so sexy to me. I want you to take them of and throw them at me. Ooh, ooh, ooh, Olga. That’s when you say.

A: Olga.

AC: That’s when you say.

A: Olga. Olga.

AC: That’s when you say, “Okay!”

A: Olga. Olga. Olga. Olga. Olga.

AC: Oh, Olga!

A: She a German whore!

AC: Oh yeah, oh yeah.

A and AC: Oh yeah, oh yeah, Olga.

AC: Mr. Sexy Man! Oh yah, oh yah, oh yah yah yah yeah.

A: Two bits for a gander…

AC: (laughs) Hmmm?

A: You’re a whore.

AC: Oh-ho. Oh. Bodacious!

A: Olga. Olga. Olga.

AC: Oh yah!

A: Ol-i-ga. Ol-i-ga.

AC: Oh yes. Oh yes. Olga…

A: Olga. Olga. Olga. She’s a German whore. Oh…

AC: Are you a Mr. Sexy Man?

A: I woman! German woman!

AC: Oh-ho. My bad!

A: Olga. Olga. Olga.

A and AC: Olga. Olga. Olga.

A: Ahh!

AC: Why don’t you come over here and I will suck your --

A: Olga! Olga. Olga. Buy her a beer ‘cause she’s a German whore. German whore-oh-ore-ore.

AC: Don’t wear out my second name.

A: Ga.

AC: But I don’t feel creative anymore.

A: Too bad! 1...2...3...

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Back-up Vocals

AC: I’m fucking my hair…

A: Well today my girlfriend left me, and it’s driving me insane.

AC: Driving me insane…

A: I think I’ll go put an end, an end to this endless pain.

AC: Endless pain…

A: When I slit my wrists and cut myself, out bleeds my soul…

AC: Out bleeds my soul…hey! That’s really deep.

A: (laughs dorkily) I know. Thanks. (More dorky laughing)

A and AC: Emo go die! Commit suicide! (I wanna die!) Emo go die!

A: Well, emo’s been around for quite a while now. But it’s about time for emo kid to finally die. He’s been threatening for years, but he still hasn’t gone away. But, you know, emo kid, no one likes you and ever will.

AC: Except all your emo friends.

A: Yeah, so?

A and AC: Emo go die! Commit suicide! (I wanna die!) Emo go die!

AC: To all those emo girls out there who all look the same: I wanna tell you, put away you flowers! Put away all your clothes ‘cause you’re all the same on the inside. You’re all the same on the outside. Why do you wanna be like that? It’s a trend. Go away.

A: Get a new haircut already. I’m so sick of it.

AC: I know.

A: And stop dying your hair black. Jesus.

AC: So cliché already. And it’s a trend! Trends aren’t supposed to be cliché. Well, they are, but…

A: What? They are what’s cliché.

AC: No, but (sighs)…I don’t know.

A and AC: Emo go die! Commit suicide! (I wanna die!) (Kill me already!) Emo go die! Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.

A: Well, I know it’s cliché to hate emo people, but I think it needs to be said. ‘Cause this trend is eating away at everyone’s creativity. They all sing and write about all the same things. It’s the same song written over and over again. How many times can you really write about your lover leaving you because you’re a jerk, but now you’re sorry, so wah wah wah, come back to me?

AC: Hey, we should kill all the emo people. Then, we’d help them out, you know.

A: Yeah, ‘cause they’re already sad. They’re already threatening to kill themselves, so just kill them already.

AC: Yeah, but what about their friends? If you kill them, then all their friends, you know, they’re gonna wanna die, but they won’t, there will just be suffering.

A: Then we just kill all the emo people.

AC: Well, quote unquote suffering. Hmm…

A: Save the world kill all the emo people. Save the world, kill an emo kid!

A and AC: Save the world, kill all the emo kids! Save the world, kill an emo kid! Emo go die!

A: We’re gonna kill you! Emo die!

AC: We’ll commit suicide for you!

A: Bleed to death! Emo bleed to death. Let your soul pour out on the ground because I don’t care!

AC: Die emo kid, die…

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Back-up Vocals/“Drumming”

A: On a moonless night, I am alone, stricken with the curse of song. No one dares to talk to me, alone on these seas. For I am the singing sea captain…

A and AC: I sing to the moon. I sing to the stars. I sing to the clouds. I sing to the sky. They’re my only lovers, my only friends.

A: For I am the singing sea captain…I’ve wandered the seas with my crew, but they won’t talk to me ‘cause I’m too weird. I’m too annoying ‘cause I only sing. I don’t see the point of words if they’re not in song. My men are very unsophisticated fellows, all about lust and cursing, but not I. I live for the moon.

A and AC: The stars, the clouds and the sky.

A: I live for song. I live for words, but not from a dirty, crewmember’s mouth.

AC: Bastard!

A and AC: I sing to the moon. I sing to the stars. I sing to the clouds. I sing to the sky. They’re my only lovers, my only friends.

A: For I am the singing sea captain…Plagued with this wonderful voice I cannot suppress, I’m doomed by the fates to live in loneliness. I just want to live, want to my voice to be free, but my crewmembers, shipmates, make fun of me. I’m so sad, so pathetic.

AC: Aw-oh…

A: But I just can’t stop. I love it too much. And I’ll always…

A and AC: Sing to the moon. I’ll sing to the stars. I’ll sing to the clouds. I’ll sing to the sky. They’re my only lovers and my only friends!

A: I am the singing sea captain. I’m meant to be all alone…]

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Back-up Vocals/Oohs and Ahhs

A: So you’re leaving me out in the cold. So you’re leaving me, all alone. Well, what makes you think you’re better than the rest of us? What makes you think you’re above sucking cock? I made you who you are. Do I get thanked? No, no…

A : You don’t want me anymore.

AC: Ah, ah, ah.

A: You don’t want me anymore.

AC: Ooh ooh.

A: Well, it’s alright, babe, I’ve got plenty more. You’ll always be a stupid whore.

AC: Ooh.

A: You say I’ve been bad, mistreated you. What the fuck are you even talking about? I’ve been nothing but nice to you. I only take 60%. Why do you think you’re better than us? Why do you think you should get out of this life, baby? I took you under my wing when you were fifteen. I made you who you are. Oh, don’t you see? Latoya’s not complaining and I liked her better than you anyway, yeah.

A: You don’t like me anymore.

AC: Ah, ah, ah.

A: You don’t like me anymore.

AC: Ooh ooh.

A: It’s alright, babe, I’ve got more. And you’ll always be a stupid whore.

AC: Nah nah nah nah nah. Ooh ooh ooh.

A: It’s alright. It’s not like I ever loved you. It’s alright. It’s not like I ever cared. Why did you make me waste all of my life on you. It’s alright. I’ve got more where you came from. You’re a dime a dozen, you cheap little hooker.

AC: Ooh!

A: I, I, I. I never cared, no, don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay without you. I’m gonna kill you! No one walks out on me! No one walks out on me. No one walks out on me, especially not you! I’m gonna fucking cut you! I know where you live! You’d better lock your doors, you stupid fucking bitch! ‘Cause you don’t like me anymore.

AC: Ah, ah, ah.

A: You don’t want me anymore.

AC: Ooh ooh.

A: It’s alright, I’ve got more. And you’ll always be a stupid whore. You think you’re better than me, but you’re not. Get back here bitch!

AC: (“gunshot” sound)

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Maracas/Back-up Vocals

A: C’mere blindy! Yah hah hah hah (giggles)!

AC: Do it again.

A: Wha? Well, yesterday, I went to the fair and I saw a game that I wanted to play. It had a bunch of moles sticking out, so, naturally, I started killing them. I picked up a mallet, hit ‘em o’er the head. I kept hitting ‘em ‘til I thought they were dead. But, they wouldn’t stop, more and more. They kept coming out and soon I was on the floor.

AC: I hate moles. (4x)

A: When I got up, a man came over and he told me that I got the high score. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, but he was eyeing my corndog, so I hit him o’er the head.

AC: I hate moles. (4x)

A: I’m a crazy old man! I started hitting all the moles on the ground until they took me away. I hate moles! I hate moles!

AC: I hate moles!

A: I hate moles!

AC: I hate moles!

A: Gonna kill them all!

AC: I hate moles!

A: They took my away to the mental hospital. Said I’m a threat to myself and every fucking mole. I said you, stupid whore, then I took a mallet, hit ‘em some more. Now I am in padded walls, in a straight jacket. It’s okay, ‘cause I finished my corndog that I found in the street and I really like the taste of pigeon meat.

A: I hate moles!

AC: Hate moles!

A and AC: I hate moles. I hate moles!

A: Wha?

Amanda: Guitar/Kazoo AC: Vocals

AC: Every Tuesday night, I go to a bar named Margaritaville. Go for some action, go for tequila, go for the waiters. Have so fun, sitting at the bar with a margarita in each hand. If I could, I’d live here. It would be called Margaritaland! Margaritaville, Margaritaville, you’re my favorite place to be. Margaritaville, Margaritaville, you’re my fantasy. So great, looking around to see all the bingo tables. Put all my glasses so I won’t absorb all the lights. I’m 57 years young and I know there’s plenty more. But for now, I spend years of my life at the bar. Oh, Margaritaville, Margaritaville, you’re my favorite place to be. Margaritaville, Margaritaville, tequila, I love…you.

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

A and AC: We don’t need no water, let the motherfucker burn.

AC: Burn motherfucker.

A: Burn.

A and AC: Gonna burn the school down. We’re gonna burn the school down. We wanna see the old one on the ground, rolling all around with the gopher.

AC: Always the good kids, always the brightest. We’re always doing our homework, staying on top of the list. Well, we got fed up one day and went in the bathroom and dished. We brought up a plan about burning the school down. Maybe it would give back for all the trouble it has caused us. So we brought our matches, we brought the sticks. We lit the school. We lit the school like a giant matchstick.

A and AC: Gonna burn the school down. We’re gonna burn the school down. We wanna see the old one on the ground, rolling all around with the gopher.

AC: (mouth guitar)

A: (more mouth guitar)

AC: (mouth trumpet)

A: We were sick of how we were treated. Even though we were the good students we got the most work, we got the most attitude. No one appreciated us. Oh, we were fed up. It was a flawless plan, c’mon, who are you gonna believe? The straight-A student or the kid with the matches?

A and AC: We’re gonna burn the school down. We’re gonna burn the school down. We wanna see the old one on the ground, rolling all around with the gopher. It’s wintertime and the sky is gray and we’re gonna set the school aflame, ‘cause they gave us work over winter break, that’s just not right, so we’ll make ‘em pay!

A: I told you this hell was gonna break loose, we weren’t gonna put up with it. Don’t underestimate the kids who get the A’s. You gotta be smart. Ha ha.

AC: (Laughs) Burn mother fucker.

A: Burn.

AC: (whip noise)

A: We’re just kidding, please don’t send the cops after us.

Amanda: Acoustic Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

A: Un, dos, tres!

A and AC: Ukulele trees are my friends! 3x And the friendship never ends!

AC: I have ukulele tree under the sun. It's really fun and we go and we hang out. There's ukuleles on the ground. You can pick them up and you can put them on the ground. They are my ukuleles from a ukulele tree!

A and AC: Ukulele trees are my friends! 3x And the friendship never ends!

AC: Play that bitchin' ukulele!

A: Oh yeah!

A and AC: Ukuleles. Ukuleles. Ukuleles. (and so on)

A: Lees!

AC: Why don't you come over one day and we can listen and play the ukuleles. The ants and the picnic and we can all have fun! You can come. I promise you won't be exploited from a beautiful sound of the eucalyptus and the ukulele tree!

A and AC: Ukulele trees are my friends! 3x And the friendship never ends! Ukuleles. Ukuleles. Ukuleles. (and so on)

A: Lees! Yeah, so...

A and AC: Ukulele trees are my friends! 3x And the friendship never ends!

AC: Ukulele...

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Drums/Vocals

A: Band...People...Suck!

AC: Yes. It's like a cult.

A: Yeah...band people!

AC: Why do they insist on leaving us out of their gatherings? Little lunch time in the band room.

A: Go away and take your French horns with you! Mr. Philips looks like a gerbil. Mr. Philips looks like a gerbil. Why do you listen to him when he looks like a gerbil?

AC: If you listen to him you will turn like a gerbil too. Gerbil people. Gerbil people. Band gerbil people, they're all the same.

A: You want some lettuce Mr. Philips?

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Some Vocals

A: Bill Clinton...you're our president or you were for most of my life. Republicans tried to impeach you unsuccessfully for getting a blowjob in the oval office Remember Monica's blue stained dress 2x Remember what that stain was? That was your man juice. Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. Well I guess it's true what they say about Pinocchio 'cause Bill, you have one big ass nose. Clinton...You wrote a book. It's called My Life although tons of people screamed, "It should be called 'My Lies'" Now, me, myself...I don't really know. I just know you lied and said you didn’t sleep with her. But whatever. Monica Lewinsky and now she's all famous. she hosted that FOX reality TV show where all the guys wear masks. Remember that? Oh yeah. Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. Well, I guess it's true what they say about Pinocchio 'cause Bill, you've got one big ass nose. Bill Clinton. Women say you're the sexiest president we've ever had, but I, eww, have to disagree. I know they're not much of a choice, but at least pick JFK. Not Bill. But I hear you're good in the sack. And I guess you're better looking than Bob Dole. Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. You're Amanda's (AC's) cousin, yeah. Bob Dole likes Bob Dole.

A and AC: You can get a lot of names from William. Bill, Will, Billy, Willy, Billy Willy, Billy Bob, Billy Bean, Beanhead, or maybe even Liam.

AC: Oh Monica, come here.

A: What the fuck did we do to that song?

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

AC: I got this poodle skirt and it's really cute. It's pink and it's long. It goes to my knees. Oh, I love it, I love it, I love it. There's this little poodle on it. Oh, he's my friend. His name - his name is...Fluffy!

A: Meet my dog!

AC: Fluffy!

A: Meet my dog!

AC: Oh, Fluffy, oh!

A: Meet my dog!

AC: Fluffy!

A: Meet my dog!

AC: Fluffy's so cute. He has this little collar on him, yeah, its black with little rhinestones on it, yeah. His fur's so furry and fluffy! Oh, I love him! You know, I squeeze him, but he still doesn't know he's my best friend in the whole wide world. Wait, you know what? I just have to show him to you. You have no idea...just stay here, I'll get him. Oh, wait...where is Fluffy?

A: Where's my dog?

AC: Fluffy?

A: Where's my dog?

AC: Where are you Fluffy?

A: Where's my dog?

AC: Fluffy!

A: Where's my dog?

AC: I looked everywhere. I looked under the bed and I looked outside. I looked in the closet. I looked everywhere. Fluffy, where can you be? Fluffy, where? I guess I just lost you, but how? I mean, where else could you be? Where are you? Fluffy!

A: Fluffy's dead! Hah! Bury my dog!

AC: (squeals)

A: Bury my dog!

AC: (cries)

A: Bury my dog!

AC: Fluffy?!

A: Bury my dog! He's dead!

AC: Fluffy?! (more squeals)

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Drums/Vocals

AC: (strange singing) Shit, you're recording. And I just said...yeah. Mia has a sister. Her name is Jillian.

A: Jillian!

AC: Yeah, Jillian. She haunts Mia, takes over her life. Mia stays home and watches her. Watches her scream at her!

A: Watches her scream! Jillian, put your clothes on. Stop peeing on the floor! Stop peeing on the floor Jillian!

AC: Just go watch your cartoons. Leave us in your room. Why do you need to be entertained?

A: What? (inaudible singing) Naked Barbie dolls! (after a while of more inaudible singing...) Stop stripping!

AC: Keep your bathing suit on!

A: I won't strip for you. I don't care how curious you are...

AC: Stop grabbing my boob! (directed to Jillian, not Amanda)

A: Jillian!

AC: Jillian, yeah!

A and AC: Stop!

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Knee-slapping/Vocals

A and AC: It's summertime and the sky is blue, but we're stuck inside doing work for Swieck. It's summertime and the sky is blue, but we're stuck inside doing work for Harrison.

A: One day this hell's gonna break loose! We're not gonna put up with this! You steal our summer away just because we get good grades. This is our reward? Bullshit.

A and AC: It's summertime and the sky is blue, but we're stuck inside doing work for Swieck. It's summertime and the sky is blue, but we're stuck inside doing this crap!

A: One day we're not gonna put up with it anymore! I say that now, but I know it's not true. Because we're the good students. Always the good students. Sick of being the good students. Doing work for some old lady. Well, I bet Swieck is enjoying her time off. Harrison, I can't really see that 'cause I can't see her enjoying any time. But, then again, we don't really know that much about her yet.

AC: But, she seems like a cat lady. Doesn't she?

A: Cat lady?

AC: Yeah, an Irish cat lady.

A: She's Irish?

AC: Doesn't she look like it?

A: I don't know.

AC: She's totally Irish.

A: Irish pride!

AC: Yay...not for her.

A: It's summertime and the sky is blue, but we're stuck inside while Swieck is sunbathing. It's summertime and the sky is blue, and I think I'll poke out my eyes for putting that image through my head...

AC: Eww...

A: One day all this hell is gonna break loose! All this frustration, all this work, all our lives. We're not gonna put up with it all the time. I'm getting sick of it. But I say that now. I know I'm never gonna do a thing. 'Cause we're the good kids. Always the good kids. And we always will be. We always will be. We always will be the good kids. Give us back our summers, you bastards.

AC: God, I know...Uh, Swieck sunbathing (laughs)

A: (laughs) Think about that, Heavy.

Amanda: Acoustic Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals/Finger snapping

A: And now, the Oughtnots get political!

AC: (screams)

A: (laughs maniacally) Hm.

A and AC: Vote communist. 3x

A: 'Cause commies are cool.

AC: Let's go! (barks) Let's dance! Commies dance forever!

A: Commie boogie 3x

AC: Tonight!

A: Break it down now! (breaks it down)

A and AC: Commie go home (tonight) 3x to the White House!

A: Communists in Russia, the Soviet Union, China and other such places. Communism hasn't worked in the past, that's why it can work now! Marx! Marx!

AC: Marx?

A: Marx. Karl Marx, the communist.

AC: Oh!

A and AC: A and AC: Commie go home (tonight) 3x to the White House!

AC: Commie, commies! Be a commie. Be a commie. Dress like a commie. Go like a commie. Let's all go to the White House. Let's all go to the White House. Let's all (inaudible) the White House and take over the...United States?

A and AC: A and AC: Vote communist. 3x Right now. Vote communist. 3x Right now.

A: Communist. Communist. Start another cold war.

A and AC: A and AC: Commie go home (tonight) 3x to the White House!

AC: You know what? Peacock is a funny word.

A: (Laughs) Okay then.

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals/Coughing

AC: (coughs, clears throat) Okay. Why's all the food gone? Where did it all go? I - I'm hungry and I can't find nothing to eat. Yeah, yeah. You came and took all the food away and I'm hungry and I ask you to share with me. Stay. But the food, it's all gone and there's no more left for anyone. No, no. I said, "Where has it gone?". Where has it gone?

A: Don't wanna eat no more Ritz. Sick of Kibbles and Bits. Why did you take away my food? I can't live without something crunchy to munch on. I think I'll just wither and die.

AC: Why? You came and took it all and I say, I say, "Why?" Why?

A: Give me back my food!

AC: Give it back!

A: Give me back my food or I'll eat you! I'm hungry!

AC: Hungry!

A: I'm so hungry and there's no food...

A and AC: Food...

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

AC: Let's just made this quick. (mouths 'fuck you')

A: Yeah fuck you too.

AC: Fuck you, buddy. I'm proud of being Irish. I have red hair and descended from Ireland. Well, let me tell you a story about leprechauns and all we do, 'cause I believe everyone's a leprechaun!

A and AC: This is our Irish Pride Song. 3x

A: Yeah!

AC: We all came from Ireland somehow. We were busy looking for some four leaf clovers and one day we jumped over the rainbow and we immigrated to the U.S. and somehow we have potatoes every single day now!

A: Potato fight!

AC: Potato rules!

A and AC: This is our Irish pride song. 3x

A: Yeah!

AC: I'm proud...of my red hair. I'm proud...to have green to wear. I'm proud...to drink some beer. I'm proud to be here!

A and AC: This is our Irish pride song. 3x We're proud!

AC: Proud to be Irish. Irish, Irish, IRISH!

A: What the hell just happened?

AC: I don't know, we're Irish. Everything bad happens to us 'cause we're Irish. Everyone hates us because we're Irish! We can't help if we're all drunk. We can't help if we have red hair. Who even cares if we have freckles? It's not our fault. It's not our fault!

A: Know who's Irish?

AC: Who?

A: Mary.

AC: Haha, I know!

A: Umm...

A and AC: This is our Irish pride song 3x We're proud!

A: Actually, I'm not Irish.

AC: Well, fuck you, buddy. Get out of my room. Ya, ya know what? If you're not Irish, get out!

A: (drunkenly) Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Piece of shit...

AC: Oh, you're drunk? Oh, you can stay -

A: I'm Irish!

AC: Oh - yeah! Irish people are cool. Even if you're not Irish and you drink that automatically means that...you're Irish.

A: Umm...okay.

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Poultry Noises/Vocals

A: So we keep the same skit going. People won't know this is planned.

AC: (laughs) Shh...

A: I mean...what?

A and AC: (laugh)

A: Anyway...Wait, so does anyone ever eat a rooster or is it just chicken?

AC: I don't know.

A: What happens to them? Do they just, like, mate all their lives and die of natural causes or what?

AC: I don't know. Good question.

A: That's messed up. We just slaughter chickens, but like the roosters just get to screw every chicken around and then die all comfortably in their little...their little...what are they called?

AC: Little pens? Like chicken, uh -

A: Yeah, what are they called?

AC: Umm...huts? (laughs)

A: (laughs) That sounds like Kentucky Fried Chicken merged with Pizza Hut. Anyway -

AC: That’s so not fair though.

A: Yeah, that's so chauvinistic.

AC: Seriously, it's like they're pimps. They're chicken pimps! Roosters are chicken pimps!

A: Yeah, pimp that chicken! (laughs)

AC: Yeah, let's kill those roosters!

A: Kill those patriarchal bastards!

AC: (in background) Baca, baca, baca. Cock-a-doodle-do!

A: Save a chicken, eat a rooster. 4x Why do the chickens die? Why do the roosters not? That's not very fair, let's stick that rooster pimp in the pot.

AC: (in background) Baca, baca, baca. Cock-a-doodle-do!

A: I would like to eat a rooster. 2x I've always liked my man meat. 2x I don't want to eat a woman. That's why I'm a heterosexual. 2x I'm not really into breasts, but that's all they'll ever give me...Save a chicken, eat a rooster. 2x

AC: Cock-a-doodle-do!

A: Save a chicken, eat a rooster. 2x Now!

AC: Cock-a-doodle-do! 2x

A: Chicken pimp. Chicken pimps. That's not very fair. Pimp that chicken, baby! Ow!

AC: (in background) Baca, baca, baca. Cock-a-doodle-do!

A: It's just like our chauvinist society. Women just have babies and suffer all their lives while men just go around screwing every little chicken ho. That's not very fair. We must end this system of patriarchal chickens. Free the chickens! Women's liberation! 4x Now! We've needed it for a while. Don't cut their heads off before they're even free.

AC: Baca, baca, ba!

A: Don't cut their heads off before they're even free. That's not fair...

A and AC: Baca, baca, baca. Cock-a-doodle-do. 3x Baca, baca, baca

A: Cock-a-doodle-do. See, patriarchal. Cock-a-doodle-do.

AC: Yeah, I know. So, that's cool. Wait, not cool -

A: Patriarchalty is cool? (laughs) Patriarchalty isn't a word...

AC: I know.

A: Yeah, (gasps) chicken coop!

AC: Oh my god!

A: That's what they're called! Not chicken huts.

AC: You know what? My - in my dictionary, chickenhut is a word!

A: In my dictionary, coop is a funny word.

Amanda: Guitar/Vocals AC: Vocals

A and AC: Welcome back, Heaven!

A: You've been in Texas for one long month, but now you're back to where you belong. Texas sucks. California's...okay. At least we have the walrus. And, ya know, stuff that goes with that. Yeah...

A and AC: Heaven, welcome back! We all missed you a lot! Welcome back to California where the guys are actually hot!

A: Despite what you think, we really haven't done that much without you. I haven't been to "Chopstick Express" for over a month! We missed you so much we've just all been in grieving this whole time.

AC: (Laughs)

A: Waiting for our librarian to come back home.

A and AC: Heaven, welcome back! We all missed you a lot! Welcome back to California where the guys are actually hot!

A: You know who we mean...

AC: The walrus!

A: The walrus of love! No more giant cockroaches...only giant cocks.

AC: Yeah! No more hot weather, kind of.

A: Well, hot guys...

A and AC: Heaven, welcome back! We all missed you a lot! Welcome back to California where the guys are actually hot!

A: There's so much we're gonna do now that you're back! Believe me.

AC: Yeah!

A: We're gonna go and learn how to actually talk to guys.

AC: We're gonna do it...as a group!

A: Haha, that sounds so wrong...

AC: Haha, oh shit! I mean...

A: Oh, thank you Amanda...alright.

AC: Well, I swear, we're gonna do a lot. We're gonna film some more stuff.

A: Yeah, we haven't made a film since you've been gone, either.

AC: Yeah, you're a big part of the group, man.

A: We've been waiting for you. We've done, what, like eight Oughtnots songs?

AC: Yeah, I know. Yeah and we're gonna do Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and you are...

A: The mirror.

AC: The mirror, isn't that cool?

A: Or something else you wanna be..

AC: Yeah, whatever, Heaven.

A: It's just in the planning stages right now.

AC: Oh!

A and AC: Heaven, welcome back! We all missed you a lot! Welcome back to California where the guys are actually hot!

A: One day we are gonna ride motorcycles. I swear.

AC: We'll be out of here.

A: Yes.